Kazakhstan Wedding Traditions & Ceremonies

In old times (and even today in some communities), parents started looking for a bride for their son long before he reached marriageable age. They travelled through the villages, met respected families, and learned about potential brides’ ancestry and background. If they found a suitable girl, they expressed to her parents the desire to match-make. Sometimes, between good friends, there was an agreement to marry each other’s future children (bel kuda). There were also other types of collusion about the future wedding. An alternative, called “kyz koru”, which allowed the young man to choose his future wife, was only permitted for heroes or the sons of very noble families.

Following the matchmaking process, the future bridegroom could visit the future bride for the first time. He first had to send a gift (oli tiri) to show respect to the bride’s family, after which he could go to the village where the bride lived. According to custom, the groom went in the evening when it was dark, supposedly in secret. The next day there was a general celebration with dances and songs, the young couple got to know each-other, and the girl gave the future bridegroom a handkerchief as a sign of her purity. If, after this meeting, either the boy or girl refused to go ahead with the marriage, the side that refused had to return all the gifts and pay a fine.

The matchmaking process was complicated and involved several stages. The first matchmaker, called “zhaushy”, approached the girl’s father and offered to facilitate a union. If the father gave his consent, the matchmaker gave him a horse. In return, the girl’s father gave a special robe (shapan) to the matchmaker. Then, the main matchmaking took place (kuda tusu). This involved the two fathers and families coming together and getting acquainted with each-other, including eating together from the same dish and exchanging gifts. At the same time, a kind of wedding contract was concluded. If one of the parties later reneged on this contract, he had to pay a fine. Finally, matchmakers visited for a third time (bata ayak) to discuss all the details of the future wedding, such as the date, expenses, and dowry. At the end of the matchmaking process, the groom’s side sent kalyn mal, a gift in the form of cattle or horses. For poor families, the norm was five or six cows, while rich families may have sent a herd of 1,000 horses.

When the bride’s caravan arrived in the village, she was left at some distance from the groom’s house to walk there accompanied by local girls with everyone able to see her. Along the way, the bride was showered with “shashu” (sweets and coins). She was supposed to cross the threshold of the house with her right foot and with a bow so that her saukele (headdress) would practically touch the ground. Then the betashar rite was held, which involved the bride showing her face to all the guests. The groom’s mother came up to the bride, kissed her, and took off her veil. The veil was cut into many pieces, each of which was tied around a vessel used to hold kumis. These pieces symbolised wishes that the newly-married couple would have many children. Then there was a wedding feast, after which the groom’s mother took off the bride’s saukele and replaced it with a hat (kasaba) that represented her transition to the status of a married woman. The following day, the marriage ceremony (nike kiyu) was held. The groom, bride, and two witnesses went to the mosque, and sat down in front of the mullah holding a cup of water with coins at the bottom. The mullah recited a prayer, while the bride and groom drank from the cup. They did this three times, before the witnesses drank from the cup and took out the coins. Thus, the bride and groom became husband and wife.